In here it is also sad

April 13, 2020 | Brazil | 20-29 years

Estava absolutamente triste olhar pra fora, a cidade cinza, as vozes sussurrantes podiam ser ouvidas da janela da minha casa. Infelizmente aqui dentro também estava triste, eu estava doente, meu pai chorava muito enquanto falava no telefone tentando achar um leito de uti para que eu pudesse ter uma passagem mais tranquila. A dificuldade de respirar queimava meu corpo, eu, sentada na cadeira em frente a sacada do meu prédio sentia o vendo no rosto pensando em tudo que eu vivi até aquele momento, com muito esforço olhava o celular e muitas mensagens perdidas. Minha namorada mandou “eu sempre vou te amar”.

Meu sonho foi um limbo entre a vida é a quase morte.

Eu só conseguia pensar que não tinha faltado nada.

—

It made me absolutely sad to look outside, the gray city, the whispering voices that could be heard from the window of my home. Unfortunately, in here it was also sad, I was sick, my dad was crying a lot as he talked on the phone, trying to find me an ICU bed so that I could have a more peaceful passing. The difficulty of breathing was burning my body, and I, seated in the chair in front of the balcony of my building, felt the wind on my face as I thought about everything I had experienced until that moment, and with great effort I looked at my phone and the many missed messages. My girlfriend had sent me “I will always love you”.

My dream was a state of limbo between life and near death.

All I could think was that nothing was missing. 

-Translated to English by Philip Georgis