Partner
May 2, 2020 | Pittsburgh | 20-29 years
I'm standing in the middle of an aisle, with 2 rows of gurneys on either side. Laying in each bed is body after body, gasping for air. Each bed has a mother or partner crying over it. It's quiet except the sounds of sniffles and choked breathing, and this strange, foreign, automatic buzz. The sound of shouting and beeping shatters the quiet and I wheel around to face the source of the disruption; it's my partner, confined to a gurney, fighting for a breath. He's hooked up to a respirator that's sounding off like a heart monitor detecting cardiac arrest. I rush over to hold his hand but nurses shove me back and I can't reach him. His normally calm eyes are filled with panic and he's reaching for me, as if he's begging me to save him. He's drooling and thrashing his legs and reaching out to me but I can't get to him. A blonde nurse unplugs the machine and he falls asleep. I feel a sudden relaxation as I watch the tension drain from his body. I go to him and hold his hand while he sleeps, but something's wrong; the mothers and partners with the other patients are all screaming and crying—and I feel my stomach clench as I realise this man that I love has died.
I cried and cried, as I begged nurses to help, but none stopped. I explained how he had such big dreams, had so much talent, and definitely needed a chance to fulfill his potential.
I woke up sweaty and crying. I think I must have cried out because my partner woke up too. I sat up and just held him and cried. He was diagnosed with COVID-19 1 week ago, and every day I have been fighting to care for him since hospitals can do nothing. His fever has been 102 for a week straight and I'm scared because there's nothing that I can do for him.
Note: Dreamer adds, “I could really use a break.”
Illustrator’s note: For this submission I decided to draw a peony flower. The peony gets its name from the Greek mythological character Paeon. In Greek mythology Paeon is the physician or doctor of the Olympian Gods. Paeon is also associated with being a deliverance from tragedy.
